Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Doctors

     Went to 2 docs yesterday and they want to start the battery of tests again.  I hate this as they will find nothing.  
     Actually one of the docs wants to help, he's the one I see every 4 weeks.  The pain doc, he wants to do a nerve block and then cauterize the nerve if the block works.  WHICH will allow me to walk again. IF we get that far then I’m going to request a surgeon… do another MRI and hopefully get the Facetitis surgery.  Even if I have to go to Mexico and pay through the nose to do it.  The insurance continually declines everything we throw at them. They may decline it if the MRI doesn't show ENOUGH wear for them!  If they give me the surgery I wouldn't have to be on such high pain meds.  Get this... per the insurance I can have PT but I have to drive 45 minutes to get there.  Yeah right, with horrific dizzy spells that drop me to the ground which I claw to hold on!  Never mind the fact that if you drive 45 minutes on a super bumpy road it will undo all the good that PT would do for me.  There's a place only 15 minutes from here which I could get a ride to,,, but no, they are out of the umbrella and I can't go there.  Our insurance in the US STINKS!
     2nd doc… PAIN IN THE BUT, this is my yearly visit to the gestapo.  She wants Mamo, blood AGAIN!, a colonoscopy which I declined thank you very much! and a untra sound of this massive growth I have on top of my ribs, it was the size of a finger a month ago and now it’s almost a hot dog.  Things growing by leaps and bounds, taken up residence.  I made the mistake of telling her that I’m in so much pain that I didn’t care about preventative tests.  They cause too much pain just to get me down there. Don't forget about tests themselves, lying on a metal table for an hour, so NOT happening.  I don’t care about the fact that Nitro works and they don’t know what’s wrong with my heart.  She looked at me and in the depths of her eye’s I saw the padded room.  Surely they must know that people who have pain that's off their little chart of 1-10 pain levels... people in 10x10,,, screaming for hours each day would rather be dead.  HELLO!
     It’s been a bad month.  We did the monthly pain run to doc in the first week.  Then Madz graduation was the next week, a few days later this pain started and didn't go away. Then on the 24th it was our 20th anniversary, I tried I really tried… we went to dinner locally.  It was all just too much. 
     It’s L4-L5 they are shot and it’s bone on bone so they are pinching the nerve there.  That’s why doc wants to go after the nerves.  He says if this works I will loose the pain in my bum and thighs.  It would be sooo nice to walk again.  I full well know I should NOT have hope as it will toss me into that cauldron if I do and it doesn't work. BUT if it works then my spine will only have the Degenerative Disk Disease, Arthritis and FMS to deal with.  These cause a lot of pain,,, just not of the screaming type.  The rest of my ailments are a walk in the park compared to the Facetitis and the spine.  There are many others, some how they all have acronyms, FMS, IBS, MVP, TMJ, course there's Plantar Faciitis which can be PF but not a lot of people know what that mean.  There are a bunch more but I wont bore you all.  That's why I just say ailments, it's easier.
          That's all folks.  Solid truth... the pain... it was the thing I didn't want to say in the last e-mail.  The thing I couldn't say.. I can't tell you how many times I'd write and then delete it all in that post.  Today I guess I have some hope and wanted to share that with you.  Plus we totally need prayers for a break.  DH has to see it and it pains him.  I have to endure it and well, it pains me.  HAHA!
     OK when did Chatty Patty get here?  sigh... I think that the shot is slotted for 2 weeks from now.  Hopefully we can get some of the other tests done then too.  At least the blood, ultrasound and Mammo are all done at the same place.  DH is going to have to take an entire day for those... 10 hour fasting prior to the blood, not to mention how busy Quest is, it will take hours to get through that place.
     All of this to say, the reason you haven't seen hide nor hair of me is due to the fact that I'm pretty much a mess.  It's hard to fix patterns or get anything done at all.  My room looks like a tornado hit it as I physically can't get around to pick it up.  I have items that need blocking but they are heaped into a pile.  All I want to do is work on the Modern Heirloom and watch TV shows on my puter.  ENOUGH!  You never hear this sort of stuff from me.  I try to keep this to a minimum as you full well know.  I need to look up and out... never inside!  So I'm going to go finish up 3 days of e-mails and change my calendar and get back to my shawl.
     Through all of this, I did get one thing done... the Art Bag.  I did all the knitting now just need to bead the flat and get it out to the TKers to test.  Oh and make a bead diagram for placement.  It's sure to be lovely as all of my prior bags have been works of he"art".  I got a bit of swatching done... one worked, the edging for Blue Flower,,, it's gorgeous.  Then I had this feather and fan which came from the ripple of the Stargate.  It's lovely especially done in the pale blue and deep blue of the colors in the water.  
     Lets end with a question, there was another design.  What do you call a cowl that's large enough to fit over the shoulders and designed to be there?  It's not a poncho as it's a cowl shape but it's not a cowl as they are around the neck and this is meant to be worn down on the shoulders to elbow.
     Will check back in again when I have news.


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