On 10-31 we finally went to see a pain management doctor. She said what they all say, I see no reason for your pain. Like I'm lying! Who'd intentionally NOT walk? It makes me so frustrated, all you have to do is LOOK at my face to see what I'm going through which is why there are no recent photos of me (last four years or so). Needless to say she has NO bed side manner. She did know Dr. Dinh who was the only doctor I really trusted and loved. He was terrific but, he's in Kaiser so I can't see him and I miss him so dearly. Towards the end of the appointment I could see she wasn't going to help me and it brought me to tears. I'm still not sure why she helped me but she did. She's wrote some Rx's and got me to sign for my medical records to be released to her. I only hope and pray that she doesn't take everything back after seeing my tests. They all show nothing it's so frustrating as something has taken my entire life away and no one can find out why. I have long ago stopped asking why and have been begging just for help.
What happened with the new meds? I came down from a pain level 8-10 ... screaming, moaning and crying all day and night... being woke up from crippling pain that was killing my soul. I didn't go back to the 4-6 pain level I was at a few months back... nope.... but I'm some place about a 2-3! PTL I feel good and the word better has crept back into my vocabulary. I didn't come away unscathed. A few more deeper wrinkles, teeth ground down and many more gray hairs but I feel BETTER! I can't believe it was even possible. The new doctor put me on a massive muscle relaxer that knocked me flat and kept me asleep for most of the withdrawals off of the old pain meds. I slept for a long time, three days and nights. When I woke I felt like I'd had the flu... I still feel like that and there's a good bit of blurred vision on this new drug but WOW I'm better! I can tell it's just a mask as I'm always covered in a cold sweat the - one you have with great pain. But I don't care! I hit 50 and I have lived through it to tell the tale. These last 6 months have been so bad I just want to forget them. I can't believe that the Lord pulled me through I really thought I would take my own life many times these last few months as the pain was that bad. So many of you held my hand, held me up or picked me up when I fell down. The pain, it's gone! I am free to live again! I'm terrified that someone is going to pull the rug out from under me and say haha it was just a joke... a dream... that the other shoe will fall... so I'm living day by day and the tears now are from happiness.
Yesterday I was literally able to kick the Pixies tooshies! I had fun! I went from one lap to the next -kisses all round. We dances in the kitchen and sang songs in the bedroom (Woad in the Garden!). At the end of the day I knew it was all too much as I was shaking and had the muscles all cramping up but it was so worth it. I was able to make my Kombu and some tuna mac N cheese. I know gross - but it was what I was craving. So thank you's all round to all my intimate friends who have helped me through the fire.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL!