I'm home again after the appointments and tests yesterday. I'm grateful not to be in that horrific pain. It was MISERABLE. Worse then I could have ever have imagined. It got to the point that I didn't care who saw me sobbing. So you know it was bad as I hate to make a scene or cry in public.
The first test was an ultra sound... been through tons thought it was going to be a walk in the park. No such luck... she positioned me in such a way as to cause great pain in my spine, made me hold my breath far too long and jabbed the hand held device far too deeply into my gut.
The second test was even worse. I thought it was just a needle into the gall bladder and some pictures. NO such luck! The test was different and more difficult then I thought... it was a scan where I had to lay flat on a thin metal board then sent into the imaging thingy. Did I tell you I have claustrophobia? There's NO way I can do flat either due to my spine. So it was horrible! They tried to prop my legs up (I sleep on a special bed in a V shape) but couldn't get them far enough up due to the chamber. Then too I have to move often due to the muscles seizing up and making it worse when I don't. As if that weren't enough, they told me I had to lay still. The pain in my elbows has been minimal before now... since it healed up a bit after the accident that made the pain there. Well they shoved hard plastic wings under each side of me to keep my hands flat and immobile. So there I was... for ONE HOUR! Having to stay still without any pain meds. It was so hard. Needless to say, the longer the visit wore on the worse I got. I liken it to having your vertebrae made out of cut glass with rough edges. The glass cutting into your skin, muscles and nerves causing horrific pain that kept going until you feel your sanity slipping away. Pain that high,,, that doesn't end.... it's enough to drive you mad.
Keep in mind that I hadn't had any pain medication since the night before, no food since lunch the day before. Finally at 1pm after all the sobbing and blubbering and PAIN,,, fearsome pain... they said that the gall bladder hadn't come up to bat. That they needed me to go out for 2 hours without food or pain meds and come back to do it AGAIN! HELLO! Can you say "Sadists" I knew you could! There was no way. I could hardly get up off of the table. When I did I was shaken to the core and felt like the floor was coming up to say hello. Kev was wonderful. If he weren't there holding my hand I don't think I could have even gone through with what all they had done to me. He took me off the table and rubbed my Fern Creek (great stuff) into my spine and tried to calm and settle me down. I was a wreak. Get this... these tests were all done due to the time a few weeks back that I'd gone to the ER with chest pain. They said it was my gallbladder even though I don't have pain from it. I know what gallbladder pain feels like as I have had problems with it in the past. This chest pain, was so NOT gallbladder. In the past when it would act up I would just take a few swigs of apple cider vinegar and it would disappear. The chest pains "in" my chest not in my gut. Not to mention the fact that Nitro works and makes the chest pain go away. So anyway... here I have done all of this ... and for what I ask you! The doctor told me that the Hydro (2nd test) was definitive. Right... so long as the little bugger comes out to play.
All that misery and you'd think that I would be miserable but you know what? I'm not. I learned some things. First I learned that I am very strong and that I can go through a heck of a whole bunch of pain with some grace. Next I learned that the daily pain that I have - with my pain meds all on board - is not so very bad at all... relatively speaking. Even though I'm crippled, chair and house bound I'm doing ok. That old saying ... if you don't have your health you have nothing, don't believe it, it's a lie. Another thing I learned yesterday is that I'm reasonably content with my lot in life. I have a lovely family who adores me and I have pain meds which take the bulk of my pain down to tolerable. We have insurance and Kev's got what looks like long term work that he loves. It's not making the bills yet but eventually we hope to be able to make it all work out. You might look at us and say how do you manage? I can only say that it's by God's good grace and my fragile faith in Him that makes me get up every day. Through the love and consideration of my family and their presence in my life... I have it made. I don't have my health, we don't have money but I am content and happy with my lot. Funny how that works but I feel very rich indeed, blessed is what we are. I hope you are happy and content too.